Sunday, July 16, 2006

Why Children Should Be Shot... Reason Number 65947:

So Paula doesn't have to get up early on a Sunday morning to get ready to go to small childs 2nd birthday party! Where there will be millions of the little bastards, all with sticky hands that will be rubbed all over my legs (as Faith does, her mum tells me it is because my legs are smooth and she isn't used to it but I think she has a fetish!).

They will cling to legs and steal my Winnie the Pooh key ring. Said key ring is attached to my car keys so the child that steals it will be sold in to slavery.

They will cry because they dropped their jelly and ice cream, because the dog ate their cheese, because evil Auntie Paula* will tell them that the Easter Bunny was shot and put in a pie: Father Christmas was arrested for Elf abuse and the Tooth Fairy uses their teeth as a power source for her Mega Drill of Death that she will use to destroy the world!, because they are 2 years old and its all the little buggers seem to do.

On the plus side, and there is a (albeit very slight) plus side, there will be loads of sweets and I am a big enough bully to ensure that I get all the Drumstick Lollies!

*Auntie Paula, pfft! - I am in no way related to anyone under the age of 21!!!


Lorna's Ark said...

YOUR MEAN!!! Faith loves you and you reject her, she'll have issues. although at least you didn't try and make them say naughty words!
Well done you survived x

woot said...

When? When do I ever reject your daughter? Even when she is covered in gooey, sticky, sugary sweet infested drool!

So oki, she is covered in that because I have just fed her loads of sugar covered sweets but still!

Have just given up wearing trouser at your house as it is easier to wipe the stickyness off my legs when I am wearing a skirt than to put a mostly clean pair of trousers in the wash!

Lorna's Ark said...

ok ok but you wear skirts to show off your tanned skinney bean poles you call legs so don't use my daughters sticky hands as an excuse!!

woot said...

i think your daughter is as good an excuse as any...