Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Ooooooooo Lookie, a Proper Post!

Hello fairy fans

Yes, I know it is a shock to you all but, I am posting a proper, real live, interesting (hopefully) blog!

I haven't been about in a while and I have noticed that my post quality has diminished dramatically since returning from the land of Oz.

I have no excuse for it except possibly to say that my life has become vastly more boring since my return to the homeland. This may sound like an excuse immediately after I said there wasn't one but I cannot believe that my existence becoming duller than grey y-fronts could be used as an excuse!

Well not overly dull I suppose. I mean I had myself the traumas with Alex, had an affair with a taken blokie and subsequently stole him for myself (I'm such a bitch), left a job, got a new job, travelled with friends and for business, fell in and out of love - then realised that I was still in love and it actually seems to be working out quite well, finished a qualification (the first since I left school over a decade ago - god I'm old!), signed up for another 2 qualifications as well as volunteering for a charity as I don't see why anyone should go through what I went through, tormented Lorna throughout her pregnancy and am now tormenting her throughout, well, the child's life I suppose...

I went out. I had fun and a life and I didn't feel the need to write about it on here. I am not saying that writing about my life on here is wrong but as I am now (mostly) in the same country as my friends and family it is easier to see them than to write about life on here.

But it still feels like something is missing. I am not sure what it is. Lorna if you dare say it is a baby or a broody feeling then I will wake the new baby up by pinching it so it cries for ages! Thankfully that is one thing I don't need to worry about. My maternal feelings stop at "awwwwwwww, I am so glad that baby is someone else's".

I was watching Jack Ass the 2nd Movie last night. I know that it is now really old and I am probably the last person who was alive when it was released to see it but I was crying with laughter at it. Except the bit where Party Boy drinks fresh horse ejaculation. I hid and I was still retching like I was gonna throw up. I have no idea if he actually drank it but I do have a suspicion he did.

I have growing concern for the world at large. People seem to think it is acceptable to kick a man to death then complain about being in jail. My mother heard 2 lads on a bus talking and one of them was actually banned from a town and thought it was funny. I also read in the paper about a boy who refuses to wear condoms and has, so far, fathered 7 children. He would have another but he beat the would be mother so violently that she miscarried. And we pay this thing benefits! I feel that I would not be alone if I thought that forcibly pinning the guy down and chopping off his knackers would help prevent such occurrences.

The officials that govern this country are no better. They sit in their posh green chairs in the house of what ever and decide how much of our money we have to pay them to remodel their houses, for their wives to go shopping and to pay their children through university.

The men in charge of one of the biggest local banks (or is it a building society) can fuck up beyond all belief and then they get a huge payout while shareholders who believed they were providing for their future are royally buttfucked by the government who have yet to decide what pittance they (by "they" I of course mean "we", the tax payer) will get in payment for these shares.

Also the men in charge of Centrica have hiked up prices and so far as I can see the only reason is to pay their ridiculous salaries and bonuses. And do we even know what they did to earn these bonuses? Were their less power cuts? Doubtful as with all the flooding & storms we have had in the last 12 months or so there must have been a record number of problems.

I am sorry to wax lyrical about governments and the like but in anything other business if we were given diminishing services with higher rates we would tell them where to shove their service and find another company. it seems to me that the government has a monopoly which we either pay in to or go to jail (unlike actual criminals who are allowed to do pretty much anything without fear of incarceration).

We have overcrowded jails and unemployment. How about those who are out of work build jails. No-one should be out of work long term. Even those who are ill can do something. In fact with all the PC crap and jobs for those on benefits only floating around these days they would probably be more likely to get work than I would! If they refuse to work stop paying benefits. Stop paying their tax and rent. If they have children take them away until they can afford to look after them and pay for the roof over their heads. If I couldn't afford something I wouldn't have it - not have it anyway and expect someone else to pay for it. Let them see what life should actually be for people who wont pay their way. Please note that I said wont and not "can't". But then again. A lot of the people who "can't" probably could. Stress and depression should not be reasons to not go to work. Try having my life and then complain about stress and depression. The difference is that I would never want to depend upon handouts to live. I would (and do) suck it up. And I am much happier this way. The other way I would sit on my arse at home, bored out of my brain and I would either go completely mad or turn to something to get me through. Be it drugs, food or drink. None are good for you in massive amounts so my preference is to have a life.

Don't even get me started on the ridiculous immigration policies we have. I may never be able to stop ranting.

I suspect these are the views that would not get me elected should I ever want to run for some form of government.

However if you would vote for me please send a postcard to downing street. On the reverse simply state *Common Sense Please*

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

An Elephants Tale

In 1986, Dan Harrison (see picture above) was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. Were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.