Friday, May 08, 2009

No Info

Er, haven't got time to blog - will post all when i am back which is either Monday or Tuesday.

Wish me Vodka!

P. x

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Just to Prove Matt Wrong

I am blogging! 2 days in a row - it is unheard of!

Just a quickie though.

My highly supportive fella decided that, upon hearing I am trying to become healthier, he needed (not wanted, actually phyisically needed) an Indian takeaway...

Bloody bastard.

But despite he best efforts I was still within my calorific allowances! Tada! Mostly because I had (luckily) eaten nothing but melon and pineapple all day...

Wednesday 7th May
Calories: 1317 (Perfect!!!)
Fruit/ Veg: 6 (Fabulous)
Exercise: Moderate (ok)

So as you can see I am still a saint! Well mebbe not a saint as the lions share was highly unhealthy (but oh soooooo good) Jalfrezi. And even then it was the Naan bread which was the worst culprit, mebbe should stick to pilau rice in future...

I am away this weekend which should be fun. Sister in Law's birthday so we are taking a limo to London baby! I have never been in a limo before. I have already been told that I have to flash from the sunroof but this is highly unlikely. Especially at the beginning of the evening. More likely towards the end of the night whe we are being drunkenly delivered home... Though I should be enough of a Lady now to not do such such silly things. Also I am to old.

Service station food and vast quantities of drinks should all add up to a huge lard mountain. 55 calories per shot of vodka. And I really like vodka. Especially in doubles.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I'm Not Dead

It isn't just a (fantastic) song by Pink, it is a statement of my being.

No I am not dead - as the last comment on my previous post asks. Nor am I shagging to much to blog (sadly).

I don't know. I just moved away from this blogging malarky. It seemed that I used to be on here constantly, sharing every thought and nuance of my day. Not because I thought you were specifically interested but because I had nothing else to do... Phone calls from Australia were far to expensive to ring the people I wanted to tell specific things to so everything was produced en mass and left here to wallow in the blogosphere.

Anyway I am back and it is highly likely that I am as boring as ever and now that Lorna has several million children it is unlikely that even she will read it...

I have a new mission!


It is a typical woman mission I am afraid. Actually, no. I am not afraid. I am proud of my typical woman mission!

I am calorie counting.

Ha. After all the build up I bet you thought it woud be more exciting...

I have never calorie counted before. I am a firm beliver of the simplest rule. Weight loss is simple. Eat less, do more. But I am also a firm believer that I don't eat that much and if I think about it really honestly I will probably find out that it may not be quite true.

Now I am quite happy to post on here what I am eating and the calorie counts, over the moon for people to read that I have been naughty and had an Indian takeaway, ecstatic for you to know that one day I was really good and ate only celery (never gonna happen). I am not, however, going to post my weight. Bridget Jones is far braver than I and also has the benefit of being imaginery so doesn't count...

Seems like only yesterday that I was a slender size 8. It wasn't though. It was about 2 years ago.

So I have my Wii fit, My Fitness Coach, a bike, a fella who is weird and active and 2 dogs who are insane. This should all add up to trimness. But we will see. And anyone who wishes to post comments should note that even the abusive ones will get me off my arse so all are welcome.

Anyway. The actually calorie counting bit.

Cannot post today's as haven't finished but here is yesterday:

Tuesday 5th May
Calories: 1547 (good)
Fruit/ Veg: 1 (bad)
Exercise: light (ok but could be better)

Did you know that there is 48 calories in a cup of tea??? Well not in just the tea but if you add milk and 2 sugars it equals 48! Not changing to sweetener though. Vile stuff. Should be banned along with that weird milk that you get in the little cartons which is vile and would survive a nuclear explosion along with the cockroaches...

Okies. So that is it for now. I will keep this updated with my progress, mainly just for my own motivation but if any one is interested or has any questions about what I am doing feel free to ask.

In the words of Jeremy Clarkson: "How hard can it be?"

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Ooooooooo Lookie, a Proper Post!

Hello fairy fans

Yes, I know it is a shock to you all but, I am posting a proper, real live, interesting (hopefully) blog!

I haven't been about in a while and I have noticed that my post quality has diminished dramatically since returning from the land of Oz.

I have no excuse for it except possibly to say that my life has become vastly more boring since my return to the homeland. This may sound like an excuse immediately after I said there wasn't one but I cannot believe that my existence becoming duller than grey y-fronts could be used as an excuse!

Well not overly dull I suppose. I mean I had myself the traumas with Alex, had an affair with a taken blokie and subsequently stole him for myself (I'm such a bitch), left a job, got a new job, travelled with friends and for business, fell in and out of love - then realised that I was still in love and it actually seems to be working out quite well, finished a qualification (the first since I left school over a decade ago - god I'm old!), signed up for another 2 qualifications as well as volunteering for a charity as I don't see why anyone should go through what I went through, tormented Lorna throughout her pregnancy and am now tormenting her throughout, well, the child's life I suppose...

I went out. I had fun and a life and I didn't feel the need to write about it on here. I am not saying that writing about my life on here is wrong but as I am now (mostly) in the same country as my friends and family it is easier to see them than to write about life on here.

But it still feels like something is missing. I am not sure what it is. Lorna if you dare say it is a baby or a broody feeling then I will wake the new baby up by pinching it so it cries for ages! Thankfully that is one thing I don't need to worry about. My maternal feelings stop at "awwwwwwww, I am so glad that baby is someone else's".

I was watching Jack Ass the 2nd Movie last night. I know that it is now really old and I am probably the last person who was alive when it was released to see it but I was crying with laughter at it. Except the bit where Party Boy drinks fresh horse ejaculation. I hid and I was still retching like I was gonna throw up. I have no idea if he actually drank it but I do have a suspicion he did.

I have growing concern for the world at large. People seem to think it is acceptable to kick a man to death then complain about being in jail. My mother heard 2 lads on a bus talking and one of them was actually banned from a town and thought it was funny. I also read in the paper about a boy who refuses to wear condoms and has, so far, fathered 7 children. He would have another but he beat the would be mother so violently that she miscarried. And we pay this thing benefits! I feel that I would not be alone if I thought that forcibly pinning the guy down and chopping off his knackers would help prevent such occurrences.

The officials that govern this country are no better. They sit in their posh green chairs in the house of what ever and decide how much of our money we have to pay them to remodel their houses, for their wives to go shopping and to pay their children through university.

The men in charge of one of the biggest local banks (or is it a building society) can fuck up beyond all belief and then they get a huge payout while shareholders who believed they were providing for their future are royally buttfucked by the government who have yet to decide what pittance they (by "they" I of course mean "we", the tax payer) will get in payment for these shares.

Also the men in charge of Centrica have hiked up prices and so far as I can see the only reason is to pay their ridiculous salaries and bonuses. And do we even know what they did to earn these bonuses? Were their less power cuts? Doubtful as with all the flooding & storms we have had in the last 12 months or so there must have been a record number of problems.

I am sorry to wax lyrical about governments and the like but in anything other business if we were given diminishing services with higher rates we would tell them where to shove their service and find another company. it seems to me that the government has a monopoly which we either pay in to or go to jail (unlike actual criminals who are allowed to do pretty much anything without fear of incarceration).

We have overcrowded jails and unemployment. How about those who are out of work build jails. No-one should be out of work long term. Even those who are ill can do something. In fact with all the PC crap and jobs for those on benefits only floating around these days they would probably be more likely to get work than I would! If they refuse to work stop paying benefits. Stop paying their tax and rent. If they have children take them away until they can afford to look after them and pay for the roof over their heads. If I couldn't afford something I wouldn't have it - not have it anyway and expect someone else to pay for it. Let them see what life should actually be for people who wont pay their way. Please note that I said wont and not "can't". But then again. A lot of the people who "can't" probably could. Stress and depression should not be reasons to not go to work. Try having my life and then complain about stress and depression. The difference is that I would never want to depend upon handouts to live. I would (and do) suck it up. And I am much happier this way. The other way I would sit on my arse at home, bored out of my brain and I would either go completely mad or turn to something to get me through. Be it drugs, food or drink. None are good for you in massive amounts so my preference is to have a life.

Don't even get me started on the ridiculous immigration policies we have. I may never be able to stop ranting.

I suspect these are the views that would not get me elected should I ever want to run for some form of government.

However if you would vote for me please send a postcard to downing street. On the reverse simply state *Common Sense Please*

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

An Elephants Tale

In 1986, Dan Harrison (see picture above) was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. Were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Sorry, been busy

For, er about two months... Oops!

Ok, so a lot has happened since I was last on here. Most of which I cannot remember. I will blog about what little of it is left in my memory. To make it go a bit quicker I will just list them in a way that is both boring and tedious.

1. Working trip to Brussels. First job as a consultant!!! Yay, go me etc. Did the exact same as when I went as an assistant but this time I was not a direct employee of the business...
2. HOLIDAY!!!! Bulgaria was lovely and I got some fabby tan lines which have already faded.
3. Had a double date with Lorna & Stu, Me & Joe for my birthday where I was ceremoniously tortured and ridiculed. Isn't it great to have friends.
4. Went out for dinner with lots of friends then went out drinking, got sloshed and then promptly passed out as soon as I saw my bed. Joe was not impressed.
5. Er, thats it. I have a rubbish memory.
6. Thought about running for prime minister.
7. Decided it would be far to much like hard work.
8. Bastard didn't hold an election so couldn't have anyway.
9. Joe made me the first cup of tea he has ever made me since we met last december!

Right cannot be bothered with that anymore.

Will blog again soon but for now I am feeling totally shit as I am full of cold and I am convinced that my ear is about to fall off.


P. xxx

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Good Weekend

Had a fabby weekend out with my little friends in Cleethorpes for the bank holiday.

Very messy night on Saturday. I stole a poor guys shoe and hid it in the dj box so that no one else would nick it and I could get it back to the guy. Unfortunately it got kicked under something in the dj box and the poor guy had to wait til gone 3am to get his shoe when the lights came on and they could see to find it...


We were also gonna go to the beach on Sunday but one of us (possibly me) was so hungover and feeling so ill that she couldn't get off the sofa!

Ok, yes it was me. So while I was languishing did I get any sympathy or cups of tea made for me?


I got left on the sofa watching movies and feeling increasingly dizzy while Kel went for lunch with her new fella and Maz went for a shag!

So rude.

Though as it was apparently my own fault I will get no sympathy at all and should stop whinging *grin*

Got home Sunday to my lovely fella and a proper snuggly up where I still got no sympathy. The guy whose shoe I stole did though wheich was very annoying!

He doesn't read this (mostly cause he doesn't know it exists so I can still write what I like with out him reading it) but in case he ever comes across it (or Lorna tells him what I am writing to wind me up in revenge for the facebook thing): -

love you baby!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Mwah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah etc

She's gonna kill me....

He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he (you get the idea)...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Should Probably Update My Profile

Well hello again.

I'm confused.

Yes I know it doesn't take much. Bloody men all need smacking upside the head with something hard and pointy.

I know me and Joe are complicated but I am really getting annoyed with everything. We were talking while we had our day out in Whitby (which was really nice by the way - no I still didn't get my boat ride but my hip was killing me as we walked up to the Abbey and we wanted to sneak off for a shag *grin*).

Anyway back to the talk. Joe wants to cool things a bit to take the heat off of me as apparently she was making comments about me. It is all very frustrating and I do feel for the boy but I had just gotten used to him being around and now he wont be again for a bit.

We were having a chat about his family trying to help him and make him feel better. They are also trying to et him back with his ex not realising that her not leaving is what is making him ill in the first place.

He has not been happy for a while but has not left as he doesn't want her to get hurt. Now he also doesn't want me to get hurt (emothionally or physically if she finds out!) and this is what is causing him to be so stressed. I asked if he had ever really explained it to them. Take me out of the equation and would he stay with her? He said no. Then the thing that is causing him the stress is him wanting to end the relationship without hurting her (yes girls we know this is impossible but you try explaining that to a guy!)

He just sat and looked at me like I had grown another head. "You know, no one has ever summed it up like that". He actually said that. Bloody muppet - if that isn't the problem then what the bloody hell is. He wants to end it, she wont accept it, he doesn't want to cause her the hurt but him not just saying "that's it, done" means that she keeps thinking it will all end up back to normal. To be honest his family isn't helping as they all think he is just confused and should stay with her.

But again this is because he hasn't spelt it out to anyone.

Like I say - he is a bloody muppet.

But I am getting sick of it. As far as I am concerned I am a free agent allowed to do want I like with whoever I fancy it with. The fact that he told me that I could just takes the fun out of it.

Bloody blokes.

So we are cooling it but we are still on for everything else i.e. wedding in Cancun. During Lorna's 3rd trimester just to annoy her.

He he he - just kidding Lorna - it is years off yet. Though there are no kids allowed so you would need to find a babysitter for your herd for two weeks. *grin* No I am not joking.

And No, I am not having bridesmaids. That is also not a joke. There would be far to many people I would need to ask and it isn't fair to expect them to go out to Mexico just for my wedding. It'll just be a very small thing. Though he wants me to ask his nieces which isn't gonna appen as A) they are kids and B) I don't bloody know them.

Why do people do that? Ask kids of people they don't know and don't know/ like the kids???

Nope - all banned.

Mwah hah hah hah hah - Oh apart from my nieces and nephews cause I like them...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


Brief addition to the below post.

You would be thinking that from the previous post that my life is a bit more sorted but no. Richard now seems to miss me and doesn't know what to do with that.

Foggy not telling him about Joe!

How do I get myself in to these situations?