Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A Little Jokie to Brighten your Day

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem. He was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.

The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his penis.

The man thought about it a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town.

In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse!"

Saturday, March 17, 2007

On Strike

Charlotte Scott-King. How can you whinge at me for not commenting on your blog when you do not bother to comment on mine?

I've left loads of comments and you haven't bothered at all. Humph.

I am therefore on comment strike on your blog until our unions have sit down discussions to resolve these issues. They will probably need weeks of meetings and a hell of a lot of tea and cakes before they can hash out a policy of mutual commenting that we both agree with.


Thursday, March 15, 2007

Oh James

I met James Cracknell yesterday!

Had absolutely no idea who he was until I actually met him (turns out he is an Olympic Gold medal winner for paddling about in little boats and an OBE).

He is soooooooooooooooooo good looking.

And I had my photo taken with him! I'm such a rabid fan girl.

When I get it put on my pc will post it here cause he is soooo yummy! I also feel I must share with you all that he has his arm round me!


Going now to check my emails and see if I have the pic yet...

Monday, March 12, 2007

Totally Worth It

What is worth it you may ask? Well quite a few people know but I am not going to explain it in graphic terms here but I was back in the hospital on Wednesday just gone. The reason for this may or may not have been great fun but as I cannot test the theory with out doing it again and that isn't gonna happen for a while then we shall all just have to wait and see.

In the meantime here is something to giggle at.

This is a story about a Fly, a Fish, a Bear, a Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

There is a moral to this story...... (Maybe not the one most of you expect.... So, read on!)

In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream. The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly... And I will grab the fish!!"

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.... "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."

Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one river bank, but I can tell you there's more....

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly.. and that bear grabs for that fish.. the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular river around lunch time), "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches.. and that fish jumps for that fly.. and that bear grabs for that fish [keep on reading!].. and that hunter shoots that bear.. and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich, then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly. The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The cat jumps for the mouse.

The mouse ducks... the cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, Some pussy is gonna be in serious danger.

Friday, March 02, 2007


So, It's Friday Night

Am I out dancing with friends?

Am I having dinner with cute guy?

Am I suggled up with my beau, watching a movie and being snuggly?

Am I even soaking in hot bubble bath with glass of wine and good book?


I am sitting on a friends sofa. Babysitting her kids, a hobby most people are to old for by the age of 16.

Cannot even say I am waiting for a fella to come over and entertain me as I haven't seen him in a week so haven't been able to mention I would have the house to myself.

Annoying in the biggest possible way!

So I am going to amuse myself by editing Lorna's pc so there is a big scary cock on her desktop when she next signs in!

Mwah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah etc...