Thursday, May 04, 2006


Oh bollocking wank!

I am now the most hated person in my house. Well, that may be a slight overexaggeration but my flatmate definitely isn't happy with me.

She is pissed because I didn't give her more notice about me deciding that I was going home. Which is fair enough, except that I have had very little chance to talk to her lately as we both work totally different hours so when I get up to go to work she is just getting in and she has had family visiting so hasn't been around much.

Plus everytime I tried to mention it she turned the conversation around so it was about her. This is, in part, my fault as I let her because I was dreading saying anything as I knew she wouldn't be overly happy.

So now I am pissed off that she isn't speaking to me as I seem to have done so much to help her out since we got here and now because I have dared to make a decision without her she is mad at me.

So we are both pissed at each other.

I didn't do things I wanted to do because I felt like she needed me around. Now she may refute this and it may be the truth but that is not how I felt or how I saw it and as I am the one writing this I get to say what I like.

I said that I wanted to go and spend time in Perth and I had mention a program I wanted to do. Then when I mentioned it again she said "why not leave it until you are laving, spend a couple of days there and fly home from there". I probably shouldn't have put that in quotes as I am not entirely sure that it is exactly what she said but, again, my blog - my rules.

Am I being totally out of line by wanting to go home for the sake of my health? My meds are making me sick and they appear to be doing me no good at all. If I stay here I can't do anything about it unless I pay a small fortune to go see a specialist and have millions of tests. If I go the nhs will do it for free.

Am I just ranting in a bid to make myself feel less guilty for dropping a bomb on her? Probably.

I have to say, though, that I don't tend to talk things through with people. I make my own decisions when it comes to the big stuff and agonise about the small stuff with anyone who will listen, and most of those who wont.

I'm not the sort of peson who has to sit and go through every little detail and its effects on everything around me because if I did then I would never come out of my room for fear of the reprisals.

I'm justifying stuff now and I don't want to do that as I feel I have done nothing wrong.

This post probably doesn't make much sense. I am probably ranting and wittering in all sorts of directions and going off on all possible tangents.

I'm going now. Painkillers and bed methinks. If anyone reads this, finds it makes sense, and has some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Lorna: No just posting "She's coming home"!



Lorna's Ark said...

OK OK I wont mention it. I think and try not to let my biasedness contribute here that shes being unhelpful! she knew you werent staying for ever and you have try to tell her. Plus its your life babes, if you need to come back for your health surely your friend should understand this, although I can see that she'd miss a great friend like you being around I mean I know I do.....
Honey you've ripped the bandaid off now so wound is exposed (friends anogolgy here also cant spell) but eventually the air will dry the wound and things will start to heal (added the last bit myself)
its hard to stay mad at you....not that I've ever been mad with you ....hang on....(brain trying to think of occassion if any)...nope .....anyway!!!
at least I still love you xxxx
see you soon

P.S RD8 came today the scutter is so small and cute!!!

woot said...


She is still not speaking to me but I am not letting it bother me, its only 2 more weeks.

I'm quite grossed out by the whole band aid bit as I have an image of a gruesome bloody icky plaster...