Thursday, June 29, 2006

Worlds Cheekiest House Sitter

Only reason I said yes was so I could sneak use of their internet connection...

Very disturbed by what they left on display. Either they like dressing up as Good Cop/ Bad Criminal in costumes that would be waaaaaaaaaaay to small for either of them or they have been buying Faith more stuff...

I would pray to all manner of things that aint there that it be for Faith...

Usually would do a bit of tidying for them for when they get back but cannot be arsed this time...

Todays joke!

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ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his Willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

A Christmas Tree???

"Yes, dead from the root up, and the balls are for decoration."

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Hardy har har!!!! Well it made me laugh. Bring on the boob job when I am 50! Or, at this rate, when I am 26...

Getting sorted for Cleethorpes! Have delved into the depths of my wardrobe for all the clothes I wore when I was 18ish (yes, I still have them - they are in the "Skinny Collection*") and pulled out the more, er, extreme things I used to wear as I now fit in to them again. They used to turn a few heads. Probably more out of fright than anything else but I shall be enjoying myself waaaaaaaaaay to much to care!

Charging up the batteries for my digi cam and will be taking lots of pics so hopefully I will be able to share the complete debauchery of it all with you.

In other news, well there is no other news for me to update on currently. I see that changing soon enough. Probably for the best really. They say "no news is good news" I wonder who the hell came up with that. Wasn't someone waiting for news I will tell you now! Possibly one of the most stupid things ever to be spoken. Waiting is hell.



*Skinny collection. The clothes that all women refuse to throw away even though they don't fit anymore and we know we haven't a hope in hell of ever getting them over our expanding arses**.


**Even though I just have. Yippeeeeeee!

4 comments:

Charlie said...

Remind me never to let you house sit-nebbing about the place-i dont know! Mind you in our house all you'd find is dirty socks. But we do have wifi if that tempts you.
I wanna come on your boozey drunken weekend.

woot said...

You can come. I will pick you up tomorrow bout 6ish.

Pack pain killers.

H.R.M. Queen of the Universe said...

Great joke, mind if I e-mail it around?

woot said...

You go for it. I stole it from Maz anyway so have no legal claim to it at all...