Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this and the men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine!

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Show this to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!

...Or men who need a warning.

And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS


charlie said...

David always does the the safest one without being told-aww-see not all men are pigs-maybe I just have him well trained though.

woot said...

Yes but you have spent a long time training him. I want one that does it anyway...

charlie said...

Sorry, yeah nine years of training to get him to do that. And he even looks after me when I am all cold and snotty and even says I am still his princess.
Awww soppy sod

woot said...


I scared Joe last night. I fell asleep and he didn't think I was breathing - couldn't see my chest move or anything so he woke me up trying to find my pulse to make sure I was still alive!

Apparently I used to do the same to my mum...

Muppets the both of them...

charlie said...

I think Joe just wanted an excuse to stare at your breasts (wishing they would grow) and perhaps lust after snogging you back to life again.

David stops breathing when he is sleeping now and a again-its bloody scarey.

woot said...

He could do that anyway. He thinks my boobs are getting bigger too - must be all the activities they are engaging in these days...