Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Ohmigod! It's, like, Another Post!

Yeah yeah yeah. I know - I haven't updated in ages. I'm very naughty as I know all my adoring fans (read Lorna and Charlie) are waiting with bated breath for the next installation of the train wreck that is my life.

I turn 26 tomorrow. I am officially closer to thirty than I will ever have been.

It is really depressing.

I feel that I need a change. I buggered off once to escape everything and now I feel the need to do it again. Oz was great - I didn't have to think of it as the real world. I mooched about not really worrying about my life back home and then when I did return it wasn't really for the right reasons. My health was the reason I gave but there were other factors which I kept to myself and that haven't turned out as expected.

It's like an early mid life crisis. I'm just dissatisfied with everything at the moment. I don't like my job even though I just got promoted and have extra responsibility and everything but it's not something I see my self enjoying.

But would I just be running away again? Avoiding all the things I should just face up to and get on with.

During the things I went through last month my plan was to bugger off and not really let on where I would be. Totally start over. Be who ever it is I wanted to be somewhere I wasn't known. Thankfully that plan didn't come about. And I feel guilty because of the relief I felt.

I feel older. I'm sick and tired of being ill and not being able to do the things I used to take for granted. I still do them in defiance of what my body is telling me and suffer for it later but I have painkillers so I'm not gonna stop. I liked my life - it just got a bit more difficult.

Oh and my new pills are toxic. Really toxic. I thought my old ones were bad but these are worse. If, god forbid, I ever wanted kids you have to be off them for 2 years before you even think about it! Not only do they mess up your liver but the liver cannot remove all the toxins so they mess up your kidneys too!

See - now that I have started wittering and feeling sorry for myself, it has spiraled in to an out of control depressive leviathan.

Who would have thought that just having a birthday can cause such misery? Well everyone over the age of 25 I suppose. It's like christmas I guess. Some people (Lorna) go completely over the top and have an excitement spaz, others like myself just get bemused at it all. There are some who hate christmas and everthing about it (stuart...) and have the whole humbug thing going on. I dunno - it's just strange how these things affect different people.

Ok - I'm stopping now. I have bored you all enough with my ranting.

Well, if you think that was bad just imagine how I am gonna react next year when I am turning 27! And for my 30th you all may just want to evacuate the area...

20 comments:

Lorna's Ark said...

Don't know what to write here whether to tell you to pull yourself together, your life isn't that bad or just say ahhhh and give you a hug!

You have a shite kob but that will change when we go into bussiness I hope!
You have the best friends (esp the one who buys you Green Wing seris 1&2 for your birthday!!!)
You have great kids that you get to give back at the end of the end for someone else to deal with!!
Also you can't go away again I'm gonna be totally selfish and put my foot down!!! I need you!!!

Plus we can drug you up lots!! and we all have to die of something!!!

As we get older and do werid things (like have kids) our bodies they go freaky don't worry hun I'll still love you when I have to take you to the loo and wipe your bum for you!!


AND HEY WHATS WRONG WITH GETTING EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or if none of that makes you smile its my turn to pay for take away tommorrow :-) xxxx

Lorna's Ark said...

edit above to sat job not kob!

Lorna's Ark said...

edit the above to say, say rather than sat!!!!!

Lorna's Ark said...

ok end of the day not end of the end....i'm so crap

Lorna's Ark said...

how do you edit comments?????

woot said...

You Can't. Your crap spelling is there for everyone to see until the end of enternity.

I quite like kob - may keep it. Must be better than job hands down!

Although I do hope someone will euthanise me long before someone has to help me go to the toilet and that image is not helping my mood in the slightest...

Also there is nothing wrong with getting excited about christmas but when you start getting excited in september and want to put your tree up immediately you just need a slap and a good talking to...

And I didn't break her nose!!!

Grrrrrr.

P.S - Yes, love green wing...

Lorna's Ark said...

I love you x

woot said...

bollox

Jtrainpassenger said...

Nothing wrong with turning 30. I'm 33 now and I feel great, I'm even losing weight. Don't know how but I am. You think your job is bad, you wanna try working with a severely autistic kid. Well it's not bad but it is very tough going at times.

woot said...

I didn't say my job was bad - just said I didn't like it. In theory I should love it as it is a great job.

And as for turnng 30 I'm not doing it for another 4 years so will worry bout it then.

It's very confusing you and sue being the same person...

Su said...

Su not Sue

woot said...

ah - i always get that wrong...

Jtrainpassenger said...

Happy Birthday.

Matt said...

happy birthday, ya weirdo!

[gives paula a cake with one of those big church candles on top cos it was easier than doing 26 little ones]

and i expect you to go out and get completely bladdered tonight! or else!

woot said...

its gonna have to be a case of or else matt as i a completely sober...

Matt said...

you asked for it!

[me slaps paula round the face with a rubber glove full of jelly, rolls her up in bubble-wrap then rolls her down mount snowdon]

DeppZombie said...

Happy Birthday! [birthday hugs] Hope you have an amaaaazing one (or had an amaaazing one - sorry I didnt comment sooner, I've been busy all week, havent been on tinternet till now)

Talk soon!

Helen x

woot said...

thank for that matt, was hugely fun!

Hey deppy. celebration is slightly postponed due to trip to a&e but will do something at some point

charlie said...

Not been sensitive in the slighest and you dont need to answer-could you be all depressed cos of pmt or even cos of side effects of your drug taking ness.
I fink you're great Paula and I dont know any adult that truly loves their job/where they are/who they are. I think they all just trundle along playing at loving their crap diddlely crap lives.
I do worry though that you (and Lorna) will be looking after kids after you broke Faiths nose! Lol

woot said...

It didn't break!!!!

Why does no-one realise that she just yelled a bit cause being dropped on your face rts but she was perfecty fine about half an hour later!!!