I feel like I haven't been here that long...but I also feel like I have been here forever and that I have my life either on hold or that there are millions of things that I should have been doing but instead I have been lying on a beach.
So what do I do?
Do I pick up and head back to the "real world" and my "real life" and get a "real job" and spend the next however many years wondering if I should have stayed or would it be better for me to stop putting off the inevitable?
Or should I address just what was it that made me want to run away from all that "real" stuff in the first place?
I was sitting at my desk at a place of work where most of the people either had already worked there for over 20 years and were set for life (fingers crossed the company will be about long enough) or they would end out their careers there (in which case I hope it lasts the at least the next 40).
But I didn't want that. In fact the mere thought had me panicking and needing a cup of tea to calm down.
That wierd advice song about sunscreen struck me. Something about "the most interesting people don't know what they want to be at 40" or whatever it was.
I have no idea what i want to be. In those young kiddy years (about 7 years ago) I never wanted to be in an office. Never, never, never. I couldnt imagine in my worst nightmares (which were always spiders and always will be) something that could be worse than spending all my working life getting up every monday to go to an office and do a job that I could not ever find interesting. Doing that each workday until it is the weekend. Spending the weekend dreading Monday.
But what do I do now?
I get up every morning and do exactly that.
Now, while I am ensconced here, I can imagine that it doesn't matter and that it is only temporary as I will be shipped out of the country, kicking and screaming if needs be, at the end of August.
But when I get home?
I have to figure out what it is I want to do with the sort time I will be able to do stuff.
I know I want a flat. I nice 2 bedroom flat. I do not want a house. For some reason Flat to me means young and carefree (apart from mortgage obviously). House means old and responsible and families, marriage, kids, health insurance, getting old and being boring.
Big apology to all I know who have houses (lorna, charlie, the rest of you that I know but don't know the state of your living accomodation).
But the flat has to be 2 bedroom for visitors (although that is unlikely now have insulted everybody I know and quite a few million I don't)...
Anyway I was ranting. Please feel free to disregard.
But if you do have any suggestions of things I should do for the rest of my life that sound like they wouldn't make me dread Monday's they would be appreciated.
Famous actress, musician, poet, author, reality tv contestant (fake celbrity) are all rejected on grounds of lack of talent or too high embarassment factor...
Though saying I would make a good (insert one of first four options) will get you on my easter egg list*.
Hope you all have nice choccy days...
*Provided I have an easter egg list. Which I don't...