It's 4am

I hate being awake at 4am.

It's one of those annoying times when you should either be asleep and if not then you should have an enjoyable reason for being awake.

I don't.

4am is the time when the stupid things going through your head seem to make more sense than ever before.

Little theories, that would normally remain dormant, raise their heads and shout long and loud until you have paid attention to them and once you have heard them they are forever swirling about until they burst forth in text message form. Then you can never take them back.

I was about to send that message.

So I came on here to blog about the peril that is 4am instead. Seemed to make sense at the time.

The weight loss goes well though. I have no reason for including this piece of info except that losing weight has been a goal of mine since I was about 5 years old. So now that it is finally happening I feel boasting is allowed. Have to go to the hospital on Tuesday and they do evil things like weighing you there and being able to say "yes I am losing weight" is always fun.

Mebbe it is due to stress, in which case I would say that mebbe it is all a good thing. Took long enough for it to catch up with me.

I know in the grand scheme of things I am probably lucky that it isn't the worst thing to be dealing with. I mean, it's not like I have cancer and am gonna die. I do have to deal with the reality that one day I am not gonna be able to do all the things I take for granted now like walking and such. I already cannot open bottles and jars so I'm getting a lesson in what it will be like.

Apparently I have to be careful to watch out for depression. I dunno. Hiding away from the world under a duvet sounds like a bloody good idea sometimes. My game face has been in place so long now it tends to stick.

Shit. I was gonna ask him to go to the hospital with me. Moral support and all that.

EDIT

It's now 5am and I am gonna stop reading old emails and go to bed to watch dvd's instead.

Hungover

I think I might be dying.

Went out last night. Put on my trusted little black skirt, a funky top and outrageously red lipstick.

I'm not supposed to drink but I did. I'm not supposed to wear silly shoes with ridiculous heels but I did.

I drank and I danced and I even got compliments from guys.

Didn't make me feel any better.

Now I am hungover to hell and have shakey hands. I also cannot open the bottle of water I have had next to me for the last 30 minutes. I should go and put it back in the fridge really so when there is someone about who can open it for me it will be cold.

Update

It's all a bit shit at the moment.

Sorry, it is just the way I am feeling...

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you...

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe we need to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

************************************

Cliche isn't it?

I'm in a cliche sort of mood. In fact I may have to go a rent all my favourite old romcoms and have a fest.

Except that will lead to another sleepless night and I feel ill enough as it is.

I don't think blogging about it is the best remedy. I know the remedy but would much prefer hiding with my duvet and the above movie selection.

Bugger.

Looks Like a Good Idea

It's a Fact

10 - Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital, dying of nothing.

4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain......But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration.......

Not Happy

And he knows why.

Well he thinks he does but that isn't what is really bothering me.

What bothers me is that is bothers me. Why the fuck does is bother me?!?

It shouldn't bother me. I have become queen of not letting things blokes do bother me and he has fucked that whole title right out of the fucking water.

And I really liked that title.

Also it is probably the who rather than the what. Of all people it had to be him. You would think he would know me better and if one thing could have broken through my bothering shield it would be that one person!

Annnnnnnd he is turning it back round on me and making me to be the hypocrite. Which (unfortunately) is technically true but in sooooo much less quantities on my part because he fucking told fucking him! Which is one way to wind me up and he knows it!

Fuck.

And it still bothers me...

And the job is boring. Keeping fingers crossed for South Shields.

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I have a job!

Miracle I know as I have technically worked there before and they are letting me back in the building but wonders will never cease.

Not the one I wanted but I can still jump ship if I get the South Shields job even though it is unlikely as they haven't even contacted me yet...

Also my arm is getting more and more bruised from doctor taking blood. You would think he would know how to do it by now. Knew I should have asked for the nurse but you feel bad saying to a doctor "I know you have done lots of training and been a practising doc for umpteen years but get away from me with that needle you usless pile of wank!" Or something polite if along those lines...

Going to shower now. Sorry for leaving you with that image. I know how scary it is...

Well....

Interview went oki but I am not sure if I want it. I am still holding out for the one in South Shields that I probably wont get...

My poor darling Charlie had a trauma on her way home from Charlie Day. Stalked on the train by random man who wanted to know how many husbands she had*.

Seriously, who asks that sort of question as a chat up line? Mind you, my favourite compliment I have ever received is "You're Fucking Brilliant" which I got from drunken squadie I was fist fighting/ pulling... so each to their own. If I ever meet him again (or remember his name) I might keep him...

Oki. I'm off to look for more jobs. Wish me more luck than I have had so far.



* I'm sure Dave (her husband) will hope the answer is still one...

I have an Interview...

..er, right now. I may be late...

Wish me luck!