It's 4am

I hate being awake at 4am.

It's one of those annoying times when you should either be asleep and if not then you should have an enjoyable reason for being awake.

I don't.

4am is the time when the stupid things going through your head seem to make more sense than ever before.

Little theories, that would normally remain dormant, raise their heads and shout long and loud until you have paid attention to them and once you have heard them they are forever swirling about until they burst forth in text message form. Then you can never take them back.

I was about to send that message.

So I came on here to blog about the peril that is 4am instead. Seemed to make sense at the time.

The weight loss goes well though. I have no reason for including this piece of info except that losing weight has been a goal of mine since I was about 5 years old. So now that it is finally happening I feel boasting is allowed. Have to go to the hospital on Tuesday and they do evil things like weighing you there and being able to say "yes I am losing weight" is always fun.

Mebbe it is due to stress, in which case I would say that mebbe it is all a good thing. Took long enough for it to catch up with me.

I know in the grand scheme of things I am probably lucky that it isn't the worst thing to be dealing with. I mean, it's not like I have cancer and am gonna die. I do have to deal with the reality that one day I am not gonna be able to do all the things I take for granted now like walking and such. I already cannot open bottles and jars so I'm getting a lesson in what it will be like.

Apparently I have to be careful to watch out for depression. I dunno. Hiding away from the world under a duvet sounds like a bloody good idea sometimes. My game face has been in place so long now it tends to stick.

Shit. I was gonna ask him to go to the hospital with me. Moral support and all that.

EDIT

It's now 5am and I am gonna stop reading old emails and go to bed to watch dvd's instead.