Quarter past 5 at night. I'm on my way home from work (via Tesco). I get a text message. The entire message reads "Just to let you know Lorna is in hospital. Took in this morning."
Now, is it me, or is that THE WORST MESSAGE EVER!?!?!?!?!
It gives me no idea at all of if she is: -
a, dead?
b, dying?
c, visiting her next door neighbour who is having a baby?
d, completely fine except that they wont let her eat anything for the next 48 hours!
Men are so rubbish. If it were the other way round, Lorna would have been on the phone 20 minutes after Stu got to the hospital giving details of his condition, his blood pressure, how cute the male nurse is (on a scale of 1 to 10) and whether he is wearing a wedding ring.
All I got from Stu is "she fell off the toilet."*
Which is a disturbing image.
That I am happy to share with everyone, heh heh heh.
Men just don't understand the trauma women go through when things happen. We need to fuss, help, mother hen, visit with M&M's as we don't know that Lorna wasn't allowed to eat anything (another thing he didn't mention).
Men forget to pack hairbrushes.
But, do not fear little ones. Lorna is now back at home, lying on the sofa, drinking tea and eating anything that comes within reach (well they did try and starve her for 48 hours). We were supposed to be going out for a drink tonight but it would appear that she should reamin horizontal so that if collapsing occurs she wont have far to go before she lands.
Although I still think that my argument for alcohol killing germs/ bacteria that makes a person ill holds water...
*I should point out her that she DID NOT** fall off the toilet. She was going to throw up and collapsed instead. Which doesn't really sound that much better but at least gives a more elegant picture. Slightly.
**Felt that the caps captured her annoyance when she discovered what Stu had said to me and her screwed up face wheninsisting that she didn't fall off the toilet***.
***I think that is enough toilet talk now.
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4 comments:
i agree men are crap
would also like to add I still can't eat so will size 8 soon! am not going back til after Faith's birthday even if I'm dying .....which might be possible x
I cant be the fat spotty friend (I am currently sporting 3 fabulously large zits on my face). No everyone, please eat.
Plus, what happened to men being great at things like...erm...er....well mine cooks me tea every night...maybe it was just stu being crap.
You are no such thing. In fact, while rewatching Blackadder II for the millionth time, I have come to the conclusion that you are Bob.
No, not Nikki's Bob. Bob is actually Kate but goes by the name of Bob so she doesn't have to be a prostitute.
No, I'm not saying you should be a prostitute.
Anyway, when Bob is being a girl you look like her. You look like her while she is being a boy too but that is because she is rubbish at disguises...
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