Absolute Fucking Nightmare

Y'know that James Bond movie where James has a tarantula on his chest while he sleeps in the bad guys vain attempts to kill him?

Yes?

Just fucking happened to me!

With the minor difference THAT IT WAS ON MY FUCKING FACE!!!!!! (I feel excessive exclamation marks are fully justified here)

There I was dreaming about something strange where we were at a party at L&J's house and for some bizarre reason I was (badly) driving cars round and running people over (as you can do in dreams) when I felt something.

Next thing, I was fully awake having felt the scuttle of HUGE legs on my face. It was pitch dark as it was half three in the morning, so I swiped at the thing on my face. Lay there for a second having an actual heart attack, then threw off the duvet and ran for the light switch.

Little bastard was nowhere to be seen.

My room has since become a gas chamber as I emptied nearly a full can of bug spray into the room, getting at every nook and cranny, even under the bloody bed. Nearly gassed myself in the process.

Also discovered proof that I didn't dream this with a ridiculously evil imagination as I found web on my arm that was sticky and gross and was washed off immediately.

It is now 4.25 in the morning and I am sitting in the living room on my laptop telling you this story because a) it means I don't have to go back into that room b) because my friends (except Mas who isn't being supportive, just plain mean) aren't answering the ranting text messages I sent and c) cause I drank a cup of highly caffinated and sugary tea in a bid to settle my nerves and will now be awake for several hours no matter what and as I have to get up at six to go to sydney may aswell stay awake.

When I heard that highly scary statistic saying that in the course of your life you will inadvertantly eat 8 spiders while you sleep I figured that they meant little tiny ones that would go unnoticed. Not enormous fuckers that you have to chew and wash down with a glass of milk.

While looking for a link to make that above statistic look credible I found this. To be honest it fucking freaked me out even more as I KNOW I had a spider on my face and this says that it would never go near me. So I have know deduced that this spider must have an actual mission to get me.

So now I am wondering if it was working alone? If one spider has it in for me, why not ALL spiders? Was there another waiting behind a grassy knoll (lump in the duvet) waiting to attack if the first failed in it's mission, that I foiled by jumping up and running the moment I woke up?

Is it universal spider ploy to get me to never sleep again in the hope that I will become so deranged through lack of sleep and the stalking of spiders that I am confined to an asylum where not only they cannot reach me but I connot reach them and squish any more of the little fuckers with a handy flip flop?

Is it payback for all that squishing? I refuse to believe that I am the only one who has ever had the thought "If I kill this spider will its mother/ father/ sister/ brother/ third cousin twice removed come and seek revenge?"

Or am I over thinking this?

I think I will go read James Henry's blog as he is usually having a nightmare also and blogs about them in a way that makes them seem hilariously funny and I think I need a giggle...

If I never update again, the spiders got to me...