Leaving, er, now!

On my way out the door, honest!

Just sticking fingernail back on....

Wish me no hangovers!

Worlds Cheekiest House Sitter

Only reason I said yes was so I could sneak use of their internet connection...

Very disturbed by what they left on display. Either they like dressing up as Good Cop/ Bad Criminal in costumes that would be waaaaaaaaaaay to small for either of them or they have been buying Faith more stuff...

I would pray to all manner of things that aint there that it be for Faith...

Usually would do a bit of tidying for them for when they get back but cannot be arsed this time...

Todays joke!

***************************************

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his Willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

A Christmas Tree???

"Yes, dead from the root up, and the balls are for decoration."

***************************************

Hardy har har!!!! Well it made me laugh. Bring on the boob job when I am 50! Or, at this rate, when I am 26...

Getting sorted for Cleethorpes! Have delved into the depths of my wardrobe for all the clothes I wore when I was 18ish (yes, I still have them - they are in the "Skinny Collection*") and pulled out the more, er, extreme things I used to wear as I now fit in to them again. They used to turn a few heads. Probably more out of fright than anything else but I shall be enjoying myself waaaaaaaaaay to much to care!

Charging up the batteries for my digi cam and will be taking lots of pics so hopefully I will be able to share the complete debauchery of it all with you.

In other news, well there is no other news for me to update on currently. I see that changing soon enough. Probably for the best really. They say "no news is good news" I wonder who the hell came up with that. Wasn't someone waiting for news I will tell you now! Possibly one of the most stupid things ever to be spoken. Waiting is hell.



*Skinny collection. The clothes that all women refuse to throw away even though they don't fit anymore and we know we haven't a hope in hell of ever getting them over our expanding arses**.


**Even though I just have. Yippeeeeeee!

Linkage!

Go see Maz! She's Great!

Looking Towards the Weekend!

God I need a weekend!

And it's only Wednesday. Have actually needed a weekend since Monday morning...

Feeling a bit manic. Have to go walk psycho dog. Well, drag. Well, him dragging me.

Also preparing for CLEETHORPES!!!!

Cleethorpes = Maz!

Maz = Drunken antics that would embarrass a sailor!

Drunken antics etc = hangover from hell on Saturday!

Hangover Saturday = doing it all over again Saturday night!!!

Sunday will be a day of dying in most painful and icky ways.

I know I don't really drink but sometimes you just have to as it means for a while you wont care that your job is awful and life is going nowhere and all that shit, blah, blah, blah...

Ooooooooooooooooooooooo! I bought a Motorhead CD today! It is excellent! Have it playing very loud in the car so that I cannot think! Much better than a lobotomy! Cheaper to, it was in the sale for about 3 quid!

Was totally traumatised by none of the girls I work with know who they are and the girls are only 4 years younger than me!

I'm sooooooooo old these days. What happened? I never used to be this old? I used to be a fun free spirit who didn't care about silly things like age, responsibility. Settling down was a dirty word as far as I was concerned!

Now all I want is a cute little flat with a fire place.

I'm going to walk the dog. Never know. He may attack that gorgeous millionaire of my dreams who will buy me said flat and just tell his wife it is for investment purposes...

Bollocks

Haven't been taking my meds. Oopsie!

Only been 2 days but I am currently feeling like shit! Aint no way I am taking them now as I will never get to sleep if I do. Then again sleeping isn't easy when suffering from withdrawel so it may be a case of buggered if I do and buggered if I don't!

Was also having that 4am feeling again this morning. Woke up and half past bloody 2! I'm soooooooooo knackered!

My own fault - felt that it was far to cold to venture out of my nice snug bed and fetch painkillers so just lay there with a headache. No the best way to get to sleep.

On the plus side I have Shari back. Shari is fab. I totally wish I could write like her but I get bored and tend to lose interest in what I am writing. If I could work it like I was reading the stuff, instead of writing it, and had no idea what was gonna happen it would be ok, but as I figure out in my own head the entire story I already know the ending so I tend to wander off and do something else!

Go read her blog. Then petition the BBC to give her a staff writers job. If there is such a job. I may have made it up...

Gonna go. My back aches so I was gonna lay in a hot bubble bath for a couple of hours until my skin goes pruney but Lorna is on her way over now to scupper my plans...

Lets hope that I remember my meds tomorrow and am in a far nicer mood. I cannot remember the terminology I used but I was very harsh about someone on dear Charlie's blog earlier and it may have been a slight over reaction...

House!

No. I have not, as you will probably think, turned into a bingo nut. I have been having a House-fest. Hugh Laurie is fab!

Nearly finished the entire first series in 3 days. Was very tempted to not go to work and finish it off...

Need the second series on dvd now...

Have applied for another million jobs again this weekend/ today. May just bugger off back down south if I cannot find a decent one. The pointlessness of my current situation is becoming annoying.

I think I may possibly have a broken wrist...

There may be a slight exageration to that title but it hurts like fucking.. well I am not gonna say what it hurts like as I have never experienced it and if I had I wouldn't be telling you now would I?

Bloody Bob. He goes a bit dizzy, falls down some stairs, lands on his head and has to spend a couple of nights in the hospital with cute blondes in nurses uniforms fussing over him and he thinks that as he is bored he is allowed to break other people! Thats the thanks you get for Bobsitting.

I don't bend. He knows this and still thinks it is amusing to try and curl my hand round in to a fist and flex my wrist in to angles it just doesn't go now!

I'm not even allowed to prod the funny shaped indent he has left on his head! Or to draw the other side in so it looks like a sort of wonky star.

You could draw on me if it were the other way round. I had the Plow* draw on my knee the other day (I'm such a sport).

If it isn't feeling better by tomorrow I soooooooo get to at least stab you in the arm where you had your weird tubey thing put in...



*The Plow. One of the consellations. Apparently the freckles on my knees are a complete map of the northern** hemisphere. Scaled down somewhat, obviously...

** I do hope that The Plow is IN the northern hemisphere...

Shopping!

What is it about that first paycheck (which was totally not worth it by the way) that makes you go out and spend it as soon as possible. Whether you have bills to pay or not!

I was vaugely responsible. I did buy some things that were totally needed and weren't random pretty things but the majority was stuff wanted, rather than needed.

I'm not gonna list them as it would be a pointless task in boredom for all reading it. But I'm all happy and completely spent out now.

Just need somewhere to go to wear all my fabulous new stuff!

Work. Ick...

Was only there half a day and it sucks.

Must get new job!!!

Ooooooops

Just. Don't ask.

We don't know.

But, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!